There is no connection whatsoever between the recent month-long absense of myself, Beecher, and Jason and the late-July discovery made by local police. I stand by this and will swear to it in a court of law, as will Jason and Beecher. Just because the police were called to investigate an incident on campus in which my advisor's office was packed floor to ceiling, wall to wall, in every nook and craney (including inside inside his desk drawers, filing cabinets, and personal safe) with SPAM is no reason to jump to the conclusion that the three of us had anything to do with it.
However, we did realize that the timing was such that we would immediately be cast as suspects. This is because several people spotted us moving several extremely large crates of SPAM late at night one night shortly before the incident previously mentioned. We were simply taking the SPAM (which, as I mentioned in a previous entry, had been left at my apartment by persons unknown) to several local homeless shelters. We've been known to be charitable. Especially when it involves getting rid of something fast and in the easiest way possible.
After seeing the newspaper's report of the SPAM incident, however, the three of us realized that a vacation might be in order. So we left. Sadly, because Beecher and Jason were enrolled in classes, they were forced to hastily withdraw prior ot our trip. Actually, they discovered they were withdrawn when they tried to go to class that morning. It really was in their best interest. They can retake the classes this fall. Well, Beecher can. Jason's class isn't being offered again until the Spring semester. I think he may need to stay in school another year now. He'll get over it.
Where have the three of us been? We've been visitng Beecher's uncle, of course. Nice guy. Seems he's perfected another microbrew flavor of beer. Extremely good stuff. Very tasty. Sticks to your ribs. Mixed with a little flour or powdered gelatin, it's also an INCREDIBLY strong non-cyanoacrylatic adhesive. It took Beecher almost two days to get his Doc Martens off after I put a little of the adhesive-mixture in the bottom of them before he put them on.
Jason met a few girls, Beecher met a few cops, and I just had a nice and relaxing time watching news reports from back here at school. They never did find who was responsible for the SPAM incident and halted their investigation into it a few days before the semester started. Coincidentaly enough, the three of us got back in town a day or two after I read that.
Sadly, my degree plan smells like spiced ham now.